Welcome back to another blog post. I am finally writing about a topic that always makes it into my “ask me anything” on Instagram. Long Distance Relationships!!
These are some of the questions I get:
“How did you guys meet?”
“How did you guys make the long distance relationship work?”
“When did you guys close the distance”
“Do you guys live together?”
We get these questions on the daily and I think that by now you guys know that we met on Twitter. Yes, that blue bird app. So, I think we got the first question out of the way.
I also decided to sit down and write our long and hard journey to help you guys in making your long distance relationship work, or if you’re just curious in our love story then, welcome/
Get this in your head first It is Not Easy!
If you’re a person that gives up quickly and doesn’t like to apply yourself or put effort in something you can’t touch or feel then this is not for you! Do not lie to yourself because you will waste your time and hurt someone else’s feelings. It is not worth it to you so why try/put someone in the situation of trying to “make it work.”
Also, this is how Faik and I made our relationship work.
How can you protect yourself from people I mentioned on the disclaimer?
- Be selfish!
Yes, i know that as females we like to take care of others before ourselves. F**** that! We are talking about our hearts, mental health etc. We need to be selfish. Do NOT put someone you don’t know before yourself.
- Know what you want!
Are you looking for someone to keep you company or are you looking for a long lasting partner?
- If you know what you want, then have the “Do’s and Don’t” of a relationship.
I am here looking for something serious. If, I am only a fling then move along to the next fish in the sea my guy, because I ain’t it! Tell them what you’re looking for. We’re adults we have no time to waste time/feelings.
- A weak guy will get tired of a strong female
Show him what you’re made of. You’re independant and you don’t need him. You just want him as “dessert” you know what I mean. (Sher)
How We Made Our Relationship Flourish?
- Know where we stand
Yes, I was one of those females who asked “So are we just focusing on each other or are we keeping our options open?”
Effort in both sides of the relationship. Yes, there are days when one of us can only offer 30% and the other has to be the other 70% and vice versa.
- I knew from previous relationships that if I didn’t meet him in 2 months it wasn’t going to work.
I told him my concerns about a long distance relationship and he listened and showed me it would work. (He was the one that could make that move because of my parents) It worked by him putting the effort in to meet me. A car trip from New York to Florida.
- Meeting each other once a month or whatever your budget is
If the first thing that comes to mind is “expensive” then go back to the disclaimer. You can call me needy but I wanted to see him and get to know him.
I had a job, he had a job. Split the flight, and the hotel.
I know I had issues from previous relationships such as opening up. I knew that I am thankful for a guy like him that worked with me towards those issues but one thing I wasn’t afraid of was him cheating/lying. I have no idea why but he gave me that security without me saying anything. He took steps to better himself to “fit me” even though in my eyes he was perfect the way he was.
- Having a goal. Living close to each other in 2 years max.
We had a goal for our relationship aka where we would be in 2 years. I wanted to get to know him. Yes, get to know him because you never know someone if you guys don’t spend the time necessary together in a house. You get to know his flaws and how he doesn’t put the new toilet paper where it belongs.
Yes little thing that will annoy you but will you let it build up until you explode – well yes, I did.
This seems like a basic thing, and it is. You have to respect each other and be open to ideas you never thought of. That level of respect will help you in arguments, you won’t bring each other down by voicing their flaws.
- Know your faults/mistakes/accepting them
This is a big adult thing you guys. That yes I will accept that I lacked in some. For example seeing only my point of view and misunderstanding his. We’ve both done that but we have that level of respect that no matter what we’re arguing about we do not offend each other.
- Me time
Remember to still take care of yourself. Take time off from your partner because a relationship is a full time job. Have your days for your friends, shopping, sleeping all day, watching the bachelor etc…
- Know Perfection doesn’t exist
I had a checklist and let me tell you Faik had some checks that I couldn’t fix such as being “Albanian.” That was a big no for me but this man proved me wrong. In my eyes he’s American and by American I mean that he doesn’t have the “albanian men mentality from back home” but he still holds the traditions. That was more than perfect but I am not saying settle for a bum.
- Make your intentions clear
Starting a long distance relationship is kind of a weird thing and it takes a lot of trust in a person you haven’t really gotten to know yet, being clear about your intent with the other person is super important and helps give comfort if you both know you are investing effort to see where things can go and not just flirting on the side while still having relationships going apart from them
- Determine early on if you think the person is worth the hardships and effort
This goes for any relationship but especially a long distance, you have to invest so much more for, in reality, much less in a physical sense, you have to be apart from someone you expect to fall in love with, and it can be taxing mentally, you don’t want yourself or your partner to change their mind later on when already deep into the rabbit hole, be all in or don’t be in at all it isn’t fair to either to force it
- Be willing to make the extra effort
Being long distance doesn’t mean you just accept being apart, especially if you have met online and never met personally, man up or woman up and get your ass in a position to meet them, you have to make it real
- At the start try to get a read of who they really are, if they seem to be who you believe them to be and if you feel they are as serious as you are
You don’t have to immediately jump to being in love grow get to know each other but figure from the start if they do understand and are seeking to know you and take things further
- Long distance, oddly enough will make you fall much faster
The little time you get to spend makes every second infinitely more valuable and it really forces your feelings to grow, having to miss someone so much leads to adoration on a whole other level and it’s a great thing but do be mindful and try to keep yourself, and your partner grounded as to not overwhelm yourselves emotionally
- Have trust in your partner
This can be difficult especially at the start of the relationship, where I’m sure many fall apart. You don’t have to fully change your lifestyle but adjust it to keep comfort between the both of you, for me I stopped going out to bars and parties as often( I was in college at the time) because I knew on my end if she was out drinking at parties all the time I’d have that worrisome thought In my head regardless of knowing that isn’t something that would happen, so I simply stopped myself because I didn’t want to do something I would be uncomfortable with her doing
- Earn the respect and trust of their family
When it does get to this point, as they should be the family is likely to be skeptical, out of respect for your family hold off on this part until you truly know it’s something you’re betting will last, especially for the guys, you’re gonna have it rough they aren’t going to like or approve of you immediately with someone they don’t know so far away, they want to protect their daughter just tough it out and be who you are and show them how you care and treat their daughter
- Take time for yourself
It’s very easy, especially when forced to be apart to constantly talk 24/7 which is nice for a while but you need time for yourself, for your friends, you can get so engrossed that you feel like you’re missing out on other things and you can subconsciously blame them but you have to learn it’s ok to be apart even when you already are, it’s a different kind of apart it’s hard to explain
- Make a game plan
If the relationship is serious you should be searching for the best option to eliminate the distance and get into a life of being together closer to each other physically, there’s no way to close the gap unless you figure out a way to do it and make it happen
- When you do close the distance, ease into it
The hard part about closing the distance is you’ve got to almost get to know them all over again, there’s so many different quirks in reality you don’t get to know from distance and don’t experience in the times you see each other because the purpose of a trip then is to make the most of your time together, when closer it becomes more normal and you see different sides of each other which is all a part of the growing process, don’t move in together immediately ease into spending more time together and enjoy getting to know each other even more, this is a very important transition and could easily fall apart if you don’t take the right steps to do it properly
We kind of had the same points, but it’s two not one putting the effort in. Keep that mind! Ps. we had no idea what Faik’s points of view were, but as you can tell we kind of had the same “goals and steps” of making this relationship work. As long as y’alls point align then you’re in a good direction.
I hope you guys enjoyed our blog! If you have any more questions send them our way, we would love to answer them.
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